My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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