We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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