I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
