This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
