I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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