i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Text me some of your sweat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
