Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
