The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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