I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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