I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
