the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
