it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
