You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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