I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
