i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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