you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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