My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
