so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
3 2 1 whiskey
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
