Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
