You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
