I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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