Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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