this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
