yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
