omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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