Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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