Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
