shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
