evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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