Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
