Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
