I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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