MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
