i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
