My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
