it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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