forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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