Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
