i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
