We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
