she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
