I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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