it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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