I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.