My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I showed him my bush... on skype.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?