Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it