I hate your face
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that