Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.