I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
