You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
