I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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