I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
