I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
