i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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