Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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