I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize