I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
