so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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