Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
