maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
