The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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