Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
one might say we're banned from that church
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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