she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
