My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have tasted many bathrooms
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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