His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
