I feel like I'm in dance class right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
