you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
