You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
