You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
