So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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